A Conviction

This weekend, I've spent some time thinking about things that were brewing in my head, but I kept putting a lid on them.  I didn't want to be responsible or wise, because irresponsible and foolish is easier.  It's just one area of my life, not a big deal, really.  Oh, but it is a big deal.  I spend far too much time on Facebook.

I started spending copious amounts of time on the internet when my kids were much younger, my husband worked longer hours, I didn't get out of the house except on Sundays and I really needed time to talk to other adults (with the alternative being that I would go crazy!)  Now, I find myself telling my children, "Just a minute" when I want to finish reading something or commenting on something when they need to be fed, want to be read to, or need to talk!  I find myself getting up from a fabulous family discussion to go see what's going on in my friends' and acquaintances' lives.  I find myself hiding images that are shared by people I've only met online (usually goats are the connection) and trying to explain to my onlooking children the sort of worldview that makes someone share images of scantily clad people (men and women--I'm so tired of the half-naked cowboy photo and the "motivational" photo of a sweaty woman in underwear.  Blech.  Don't even get me started about women in comics!) or abused people or animals.  And I'm sitting here hoping that saying such doesn't offend anyone, while these photos offend me and my children every day. 

I also find myself sharing things that I would love to share with my close friends and family and neglect to think about the fact that I have over four hundred people on my friends list, and some of them I haven't even met in real life.  Many of them I've not seen in years and wouldn't ever plan a vacation to see them.  Yet, they know what my bedroom looks like.  And my bathroom.  And while Facebook has made that seem somewhat normal, when you think about it, it's really kind of creepy.  And foolish.

My oldest child has discovered an online game--Starfleet--this summer.  He and David have been playing together, taking dominion over imaginary planets, harvesting imaginary debris fields, building imaginary ships, attacking other imaginary planets and defending their own.  They actually think about how long it will take to build an imaginary something or other and when an imaginary attacker will arrive...  They've had fun, but when the school year starts up, there won't be time for Starfleet.  I have watched this from a distance--amused at how seriously he takes the game, enjoyed the way he and David plan together, but also concerned about how much time he spends in front of the computer.  Because, you know, I set such a fabulous example of *not* spending all my time in front of the computer.  (Sarcasm alert.)  If I want my kids to spend their time wisely, I really should set a better example.

We start school here in one week.  Yep, ONE week.  In that week, we need to finish the girls' room so we can move them out of the boys' room, and get those two rooms and the home school room organized, which incidentally will involve removing a wallpaper border and doing some touch up paint.  That's going to take a lot of work and time--time I don't have to fritter away looking at someone else's life.  Then, when we start school, THAT will take a lot of time.  Samuel is in 3rd grade this year; Shiphrah in 2nd; Solomon in 1st and Shiloh will still be playing along.  My lesson plan notebook looks like an impossible To Do list every day of the week.  The two oldest are taking online classes, which means they will require use of the computer.  Last school year, we sold the goats so we'd have time for all the new school subjects.  This year, we've just about doubled what we'll be doing, school-wise AND have goats again.  Something's gotta give, and it really ought to be this foolish addiction I have to Facebook.

So, friends, if I am distant, it's not you.  It's me.  My children need more from me than what I've been giving them.  I'll check in from time to time, but I won't scroll through to see every little thing I've missed since the last time, but probably just check my messages.  If you need me, there's always e-mail.  On occasion, I even answer phone calls.  :)  So, there.  I've said it.  And y'all can hold me accountable if you see me online for to long.  Tell me, "Go read to your kids, Billie!"  I know they'll appreciate it.  I might feel momentarily wounded, but ten years from now when my kids still want to talk to me because I've invested in them, rather than everyone else, I'm sure I'll be over any momentary wounding your wise admonition causes.