I came across this little picture on Facebook today, and I think it's highly informative of what happens to a person when you nag, nitpick, and criticize. There is such a thing as constructive criticism and to be certain, it is a good thing to learn to take constructive criticism well. It is meant to be helpful, and for that reason, it is usually given with concern to how the hearer will receive it and offered with kindness. However, far too often, people offer criticism of the destructive sort and fool themselves into thinking they're being helpful, when they're actually damaging the soul, spirit, heart, and mind of others. While this tendency is not exclusive to women, we tend to be in particular danger of this sort of sin, and scripture has plenty to say about it:
Proverbs 12:4 ~ An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 21:9 ~ It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. ~ That one is so important, that it is also repeated in Proverbs 25:24
Proverbs 21:19 ~ It's better to live in the wilderness than to live with a contentious and irritable woman.
Proverbs 27:15-16 ~ A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands
While these examples speak primarily of husbands and wives, we need to be mindful that husbands aren't the only ones who wither and die under the tongue-lashings of a bitter, contentious, nagging, or critical woman. Entire households - children, grandchildren, guests - can be torn apart when a woman -or a man- uses the tongue as a sword of destruction.
Proverbs 14:1 says "A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." By 'hands' I don't think the writer means she grabbed a literal sledge-hammer and went to work, but a figurative one, and the words that come out of our mouths certainly have the power to tear down households.
When Scripture teaches that we, as humans, are made in the image of God, we are often confused about exactly what that means. I'm sure it has many implications, but one of the things I'm reminded of is that God created by speaking, and since we are made in his image, we also have the ability to create things with our words. We may not speak water, trees, or fish into existence, but we do have the ability to create things that weren't there before -just with the power of our words. Do we create joy? Encouragement? Cheer? Comfort? Peace? Calm? Trust? Love? Or do our words create sadness? Hurt? Anger? Bitterness? Loneliness? Anxiety? Dread? Despair? Our words certainly have the power to create things that weren't there before. It's no secret which sort of things we want to create, but just in case you're unsure, a little more wisdom from Proverbs:
15:17 ~ Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it.
17:1 ~ Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife.
Scripture has so much to say about how we use our tongue and the effect we can have on ourselves and others that it's clearly an important little body part to be mindful of.
Proverbs 15:18 ~ A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention
Matthew 15:18 ~ But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.
Do your words give life and light and encouragement? Or like the woman in the above picture, do they drive others away from you? What a sad thing when your closest companion in life would rather die than endure your tongue - your heart - and the disease it can bring to his bones. He might forgive you. He might even understand why you are such a bitter person and can't help spewing that forth. But if he is to live, he might have to take refuge in the wilderness.
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